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Many are not sad to see him gone. Lester, a cousin whose life moments shared left imprints of warm and cherished memories for me those of my immediate family came recently to the end of his journey here on Earth. I know that he was not even close to being a perfect man. None of us, I feel, can claim to have been the best example of a human being, and I heard from others hints of this man’s less than desirable salty, harsh and otherwise negative traits. I do not doubt that that was very likely true. And I am saddened and pained that others whom I love and care for have had to endure and manage life entangled with the darkness of this man.

Towards me there was always kindness, smiles and laughter. I could see a gleam is his eyes that was truly a tell of the fiery nature within yet somehow it managed to enhance the gift of light he shared with me and my immediate family. Yes, there was a charm about him.

Now reflecting on my own life’s journey, it was a similar charm that caught me off guard with the man who is my Ex-husband and the father of my children. And believe me when I tell you I have been in the deep dark shadows in life’s journey with this man and continue to be entangled as my children are still connective threads. Threads from his end used like that of a puppet master.

I know what it is like to have others whom I care about and love, continue to feel warm affection towards that man, to include another cousin who considers him to be the man’s man of a brother he never had. And yes, my children. My children know and have seen the beast of the man that is their father, but they are, too, charmed by the moments of kindness, smiles and laughter, and many times will transform their own natural inclinations to retain or regain that light from him and keep the beast at bay.

Others, like that other cousin of mine, have only had the warm and cherished kind of moments with him – my Ex. I accept that, because I can understand it, but it still hurts. As I am sure it hurts my other family and friends that I hold such fond memories of the man now recently departed.